Today is the birthday of someone I cared about for a long time. Sadly, it was recently made very clear to me that this person could no longer be a part of my life no matter how much I had/did care about them. I finally, after more years than I’m happy to admit had to remove and release them from my life for my own peace of mind and health of self. It’s hard to realize the un-healthiness (not sure if that’s a word lol) that a person can bring. It was my choice to let them in over and over again, only to have them hurt me and walk back out. It was my choice to make excuses for past actions only to then watch them repeat themselves. I’ve realised in this time that while I want to blame and hate them, I can’t anymore. The first time was their fault. The times after that of me letting them back in again was my own weakness. My fault not realizing that this person no longer deserved my care, my friendship and the effort I tried over and over to put in.
I have a small group of people I let really close to me and they mean the world to me whether they know it or not. Once I consider you one of those people I aim to be there for you, support you and do what I can for them. I rarely, very very rarely cut people from life. I’ve only done it once in my almost 30 years and even though I knew I had to it still hurt my heart.
I also hate being sentimental and vulnerable but I promised myself when I started this I would be me, all of it and this has been running through my mind all day.
So with my ramblings coming to an end I want to wish them a happy birthday. I hope they find whatever it may be they are searching for. I hope they find themselves again, as I know they are lost and as much as I wish I could help them, there is nothing more I can offer. While this person brought a lot of heartache and pain, I wish them none of that in return. I wish them healing and peace.
Happy birthday to the friend I once had.